Sunday, May 01, 2005

Death

This blog is dead. I won't try to revive it.

Monday, March 21, 2005

To Austin

On Saturday, I went with my roommate Ben to see a few concerts in Austin. There were two bands there that we knew would be great, Harvey Danger and Nada Surf. If you don't believe me when I say that they are great, you obviously haven't listen to them or you are denying the obvious. So we began our drive, Mazda truck style, to Austin, home of weirdo's, nerdo's, and some pretty cool guys.

I called up Keith, a junior at the University of Texas and let him know that we would be up with two, possibly three hungry people, and it was his job to let us know of a good restaurant. He did not disappoint. Thank you, Keith, Ananth, and Chloe, for showing us a good hour at an authentic Mexican restaurant. Conversation was lively, and I even scared Chloe by flexing my Christian vocabulary.

"All those not saved by our Lorde Jesus Christ who sits on most high…. Etc." I think she wet her pants. She later made the comment that she would someday conquer the local mall by spending tons of money on a credit card there. I remarked that on that day, perhaps, the mall will conquer her… by getting tons of money from her credit cards. She hates me. I then remark at the utter suckiness of a band called Fastball, a band for whom another band will open in a few weeks. This other band features people who might call Keith, Ananth, and Chloe friends, so I felt bad.

"Yeah, they are opening for Fastball in a few weeks!"
"Fastball blows."
"Mike, you blow."

And this is me talking in the present now…. "I know. My condescension of things greater than I is a habit I am willing to try and break. Sorry, guys."

We parted ways and Ben drove us to the Red Eyed Fly, a bar that was participating in South by Southwest, possibly the coolest music festival known to mankind. We get in shortly before 8 o'clock, which is when the first band was scheduled to kick off their show. Every show ran on time.

8:00 - Tracker takes the stage. They are OK. I have seen this type of show before and it seems a little out of place considering the venue. A sort of electronic piano driven free form sounding music came from their strange array of instruments. Like I said, they are OK.

8:40 - A short chinless girl who looks just like someone I used to loathe in high school begins pushing everyone around trying to make room for the bands equipment.

Ben - "She has sassafras."
Me - "I want to smack that bitch up."

9:00 - Menomena takes the stage. Their name is pronounced like the 'phenomena', but with less… you know… John Travolta. They are great. They kind of rock pretty hard, but only half way roll. They could roll 100% but they include a couple of saxophones. One is 5 feet tall, so it's OK, but the other is just annoying. Still great they are. They will grow into a better band eventually. There is talent running out of their ears.

9:50 - Ben and I spot the lead singer from Harvey Danger. In a rather drastic contrast from most celebrities I have seen in real life, he is significantly larger in person than one might assume. He has to be 6' 6" and 250 pounds. Ben and I discuss the possibility of them playing their one big radio hit, Flagpole Sitta. He says that they have better things to do than retread that thing. You see, every song I've ever heard come out of them is better than Flagpole Sitta. Flagpole Sitta was just a different sounding tune at the time, so someone decided to saturate the air-waves with it. With possibly the greatest lyrics in the business, they are the most underrated band currently playing that I know of.

He also says that the three shows after his will be awesome. "Aqueduct, awesome. Jesse Sykes, awesome. Nada Surf, fucking awesome."

10:00 - Harvey Danger takes the stage. They rock … hard.

10:45 - Ben - "I would give my left nut to see that again."
Me - "They blew my nuts clean off."

I am officially deaf.

10:55 - Aqueduct takes the stage. These guys are simply awesome. They begin their show ahead of schedule so that they have time to dance on stage. The drummer literally ran to the front of the stage and did a dance that brought happiness into my life. With more time to spare they cover that rap song from Office Space. Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta. Only, Aqueduct says "Gansta mother fuckers" instead of "Gansta-ass niggas." They lose a few points in my book for not having the balls to say 'niggas'.

11:00 - Aqueduct begins their real performance and put on a very, very cool show. One can tell that they simply have fun on stage. That is something I would like to see more of.

12:00 - Jesse Sykes takes the stage and while hot, she is also a complaining hippie. "My monitor is humming… There is a weird echo… I can't wait to get this over with so I can just get drunk… You try doing a sound check… This is stressful… It's too hard… I want to die… Someone put me out of my misery… on and fucking on she went.

Yeah Jesse, the sound guy has it in for you. Everyone else either deals with the sound issues or just sounds great despite them, but you fucking groan about every little thing. I can just picture you on your tour van. "The crackers are too small. The bread breaks when you fold it… it’s a catastrophe. My amp doesn't go to eleven." I am quite sure the only thing keeping the guys with her is the poon tang she no doubt provides after getting shit-faced at every show.

Not only is she a complainer, but her songs were the most depressing things you've ever heard. As her tempo went down, so too did my pulse. The only thing that went up in the room was the median age. She even had the nerve to say, "For you guys I am playing my rockin' songs." Uh huh. Kill me now. If Harvey Danger blew my balls off, she found them and sewed them back on. Jesse Sykes blows endless herds of hippopotami.

1:00 AM - Nada Surf takes the stage. They are freaking awesome. They skip the sound check and when the bassist breaks a string, what does the lead singer do? He plays a song solo! Jesse, are you taking notes? They either rock past whatever sound problems there are or fix them on the fly. Their set was amazing. Like Harvey Danger, Nada Surf opted to play songs that were either better or unreleased rather than play their one radio hit, Popular.

My nuts are missing again.

2:00 - After a dinner at IHOP, Ben and I drive back to Waco and sound to each other as if we have lisps. The ringing in our ears is canceling out the S-sound.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

King? Not I.

Stop kneeling, for I am not king. Here is the summary of what those guys thought of my site.

There were only 2 of the 3 judges who responded to my stuff so here are their thoughts and my thoughts in response.

To the Challenge Question

Judge 1 -

Thoughts of Mike GOOD POINTS: Well-designed and good poking fun at the other pretenders. Hilarious surprise guest! BAD POINTS: A little much on the foul language. No need to introduce the post, just post and if people don't get that it's the submission, all the better!
SCORE: 4.54


Judge 2 -
Thoughts of Mike: Lame "here's the question for the King of the Blogs contest and here's my response" intro. Very loosely covers the "Scooby-esque" portion of the challenge... I suppose Paris Hilton qualifies as the surprise guest and surprise villain? There is a script... and a theme song... but you know, I just didn't find it all that entertaining. Extra points for the creativity shown in providing a theme song and script... points docked for lame intro. I'll try to avoid letting my distaste for the coarse language and anything involving Paris Hilton in general color my rating... Thoughts of Mike earns a 3.5.


It is clear that a 3rd judge would have broken the tie on whether or not my script was funny. And to the common criticism that people should not introduce the bulk of a rather odd post with some sort of background on why it exists, fuck you. I am not going to just start up with a script and theme song for anything as lame as a Scoobydoo rip off, even if mine was better than anything you people have read lately. So, judges, remember... coherency requires context.

Judge 1, try to devirginize your eyes and ears.

Judge 2, you're dumb.

To the Submitted Post

Judge 1 -
INITIAL REACTION: Good story. Was the original title, "A Wallet And It's Emptying Story?"
GOOD POINTS: Excellent. With all the various quotations and conversations, it was sure to have grammatical errors, but I saw none. Brilliant. Nice staying with story line, including pictures and score keeping.
BAD POINTS: The first watch picture is out of focus, while the second is not. How many margaritas did he have that night?
SCORE: 4.95


Judge 2 -
Thoughts of Mike: OK, wow. Interesting story. You missed censoring one of the "F" words, by the way. Mike's writing style is pretty clear, but I do have to nitpick something in every post and this one really bothered me: the story changes from being told in past tense to being told in present tense several times. Distracting. Another thing that distracts a Grammar Cop like me: "When Golf-Hat Boy explicitly expresses the need, nay, the requirement of his superior intellect to use such words like "planarly", I feel the need to remind him of the Orwellian rule to never SPLIT AN INFINITIVE!" I won't say I never do it myself. Sometimes it's the easiest way to make a sentence sound natural and understandable at the same time... but every time I do it, I HATE IT. Oh, and my biggest complaint - based on the title of this post, somehow I expected a little more drama than getting conned out of one dollar by a random college girl. What.A.Let.Down. This submitted post earns a 3.


Judge 1, thanks for the kind words. It is hard to take a picture of a small, poorly lit, highly reflective object. Consider yourself lucky to have pictures at all.

Judge 2, again, you're dumb. (i.e. "What.A.Let.Down.") Don't criticize grammar when you include something like that in your review. Perhaps you, like Clint and Avantgard, need a limerick…

There once was a Queen of the Blogs,
Who if anything deserves hurtful flogs.
Again… the message conveyed,
Is not subject to perfection displayed.
I'll bet you were squeezed out with a log.

To the Whole Blog

Judge 1 -
Thoughts of Mike:
NOTES: Awful standard and boring.
GOOD POINTS: Good layout, spacing in posts, and contrast. Easily readable content, good blogrolls and King of Blogs thingy.
BAD POINTS: Optimized for Firefox? Then why do I have to scroll? My window is the same size as the blogger frame at the top of the page, but the content is wider than that, causing scrolling. Also, there is no margin between the text and the side of the page -- very hard to read. No llamas. Whitespace strange -- sometimes large and wide, sometimes narrow.
SCORE: 2.41


Judge 2 -
Thoughts of Mike: White text on a black background, with a splash of pale green, light blue, and purple accents... hmm, sounds familiar - I can't complain about that color scheme. However, Mike (I'm assuming redhairblueface is the Mike whose Thoughts are in question) hasn't done much else to really give this basic black theme personality and pizzaz. I'd like to see a banner graphic of some sort to provide some punch. The "redhairblueface" photo does give a bit of personality, I'll grant that. "About Me" information is sparse and mildly amusing, between interests listed to include "You", "Them", "George W. Bush", "Simple Green", "Sock", "The", and "Tar"... and the "I can't read" under favorite books... Well, it's either mildly amusing or annoyingly cryptic. Whichever. Anywho, on technical merits, we have Blogger system comments (not as much teh suck as they used to be) and no trackback... Blogger bar searchable archives... We have no blogroll, which kind of makes Mike seem as if he's not really "part of the community" as it were. Not a bad site overall, but nothing really "wows" me here - it's almost as if Mike hasn't really put in much effort to make his blog different, special... personal. There's nothing wrong with that in general, but for one who would be King, I expect less apathy. Thoughts of Mike gets a 3.


Judge 1, when I say optimized for Firefox, I mean optimized for my computer. You have to scroll because you are probably the last person on Earth using an 800:600 screen resolution. Cheap bastard.

Judge 2, you're a dumb grammar Nazi. There is probably not a single sentence on my whole blog that you struggle with reading, but in a single post by you I have to look at this abomination... "(not as much teh suck as they used to be)" You have to be kidding me.

There is one more thing guys. Even though I censored myself once, I later realized how dumb that was considering that Kings make their own rules. That is why my second entry has several "fucks" thrown in; they're for spite. They are also there for accuracy. Tucker Max, Maddox, and I curse like sailors, so if you don't like the fact that I use them as my Scoobyesque characters, make that your complaint. Don't chastise me for using language that would likely come out of their mouths. How is that for apathy, 'tard?

So, all in all, I think that this wasn't a complete waste of time; 'twas just mostly a waste of time.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Scoobyesque

As some of you know, I have entered the King of Blogs competition.

This was the challenge posed to me...

The blogosphere has just been cast in a "Scoobyesqe" new Saturday morning cartoon, complete with suprise famous guests. Cast the episode with bloggers, pick a suprise guest, and pick a supruse villian. Extra points for lyrics to theme song and other extras.

I have decided that I would relate this post and script to my real everyday life.
In order to get it, I suggest you read this post first --> Unimportant
Here we go!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Voiceover - On tonight's episode, Mike experiences his first flat out rejection with a woman!

Scene opens in an abandoned apartment. A cell phone sits atop a sofa, red light blinking indicating new messages. An Egyptian hookah, well worn and smelling of mint, lays dormant on the floor; a coal still burning above the metal plate acts as separation from the heat and the expensive flavored tobacco below.

Yeah, he rules.

Theme music opens with a light blues riff. B.B. King style singer begins…

"Yeah he gone and done it again, whoa its happening all over…
Oh baby he gone and done it again, and yeah its happening all over…
He gone to Taco Bell and left that coal to smolder…. Oh yeah…"


Cast of characters…

Tucker Max - Intelligent womanizer.
Maddox - Hilarious internet phenomenon.
American War Monger - Boring.
Blue Glow Worm - Boringer.
Thoughts of Mike - Often feels compelled to insult the innocent.
April - Girl across the hall from Mike.

The door opens, light from the hall illuminating the otherwise dark loft in Waco, TX.

Tucker Max, Maddox, American War Monger, and Blue Glow Worm step inside. They have picked the lock.

Tucker Max - "Well now, what the hell have we here?"

Blue Glow Worm - "Well, you see Mr. Max… This is an Egyptian style hookah, that smell is mint and it lays dormant on the floor, the coal is smoldering…" Maddox kicks him in the kidney with his peg leg.

Maddox - "I swear to God if you repeat other peoples' shit again I'm kicking what's left of your ass."

American War Monger - "Now Maddox, lets think about this logically, not creatively for humorously, but with a cold hard fact finding…" Tucker thumps American War Monger on the nape of the neck with a beer bottle.

Tucker Max - "You shut the fuck up now."

American War Monger - "Yes, sir."

Maddox picks up the phone and presses a series of buttons to reveal a couple of messages.

Message 1 - "Hey Mike, this is the dictionary calling and I have no 'suprise' or 'supruse' in my possession. Just letting you know. Out."

Maddox - "No shit."

Message 2 - "Hey Mike, this is April calling from across the hall, and you know… I find it disturbing how many times you call here and come over … so yeah, I don't think we will be able to go out… Bye."

Maddox - "Whoa, this Mike guy must be a real freak stalker."

Blue Glow Worm - "I think we have a mystery on our hands."

Tucker Max - "What's that Blue Ass Clown?"

Blue Glow Worm - "We need to find out why this guy is stalking this girl April across the hall!"

American War Monger - "We need to set up surveillance cameras and homing devices to analyze her. Then we need to defend ourselves against this enemy, Mike."

Maddox - "That idea blows endless herds of chimps. How about we just go over there and ask her."

Blue Glow Worm & American War Monger - "Can we have your permission to kick our own asses, now?"

Maddox - "Sure."

While Maddox and Tucker Max make their way to April's place, Blue Glow Worm and American War Monger proceed to punch each other in the throats for reasons even they don't quite understand. Tucker Max eats a breath mint and knocks on the door. A voice calls from inside.

April - "Come in!"

Maddox and Tucker Max open the door to reveal a woman watching TV, eating Valentine's candies obviously sent from her parents. She is looks pretty.

Tucker Max - "Hey there hot stuff… How would you like to…" Maddox cuts him off.

Maddox - "We are investigating a matter with the guy across the hall, a real fuckin' prick who stalks women. Do you know him?"

April - "Oh, that guy. Yeah, he just calls and calls and calls and never stops calling after that. Then he comes over uninvited. He's a real dirtbag."

Maddox - "Do you have any idea why he does those things?"

April - "No idea."

Tucker Max - "OK, that's all we needed to hear. Thank you for your time and if you need anything (he winks at her and licks his upper lip) you give me a call." He hands her a novelty business card with the letters F.B.I. written in bold font. They stand for Female Body Inspector.

Maddox and Tucker Max go back to Thoughts of Mike's apartment to find American War Monger and Blue Glow Worm still kicking each others' asses while Thoughts of Mike looks on. He looks like he wants to kick their asses, but since they are doing such a good job of it themselves, he just watches.

Tucker Max - "Who the hell are you? You know this is trespassing? I have a law degree from Duke and I know what trespassing is."

Thoughts of Mike - "I live here you sack of shit. What are you guys doing here?"

Maddox - "You'll have to forgive my friend. Though funny, he often doesn't think before acting."

Thoughts of Mike - "I'm calling the cops."

Tucker Max - "Apparently, you've been making lots of calls lately…"

Thoughts of Mike - "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Maddox - "We snuck into your apartment because we wanted to act like the Scooby Doo Gang and found your phone with messages on it. The second one revealed your character. April left it saying that she was tired of you calling and going over there uninvited."

Thoughts of Mike - "You judgmental bastards. Let me set you guys straight. First, I asked her how her Valentine's Day was and she said that it sucked because she didn't have anyone to share it with. I was in the same boat so a week later, I asked her out. She said that she was too sick to do it the next day, but I should call her back in a couple of days to see if we could set up a time. I waited a day, called her, and she said that she was busy and I should call back later or just go over and hang out. So that's what I did. I waited a couple of days, called her back and left a message. She never called back so I went over there and asked if she had gotten my message. She said that she knew someone called but hadn't looked into it so I decided to invite her to a party I was having over here that night. She said she was already going out somewhere else and she would come over some day so we could hang out, or I should call back or come back another time. So that's what I did. I called her back the next day, left a message, called her back the next day and left another message. She never fucking picks up the phone to answer or return calls. Then I decided that since her car was in the parking lot, I would go over there and ask what was up. I went over to find that she was not home. I asked her roommate to tell her to call me when she got in."

Tucker Max - "So the message we heard was her calling back?"

Thoughts of Mike - "I guess. Let me call that bitch back one more time. (Mike picks up the phone and calls.) 'Hello April, I see you still don't answer your phone. I also got your message and I just wanted to let you know that it is hard to get a hold of you when you don't answer your phone or return calls and it is equally hard to know when NOT to come over when you invite me. So I guess we won't be going out, Bye.' That's that. Done."

Maddox - "So you're not obsessed?"

Thoughts of Mike - "Hardly. I always thought she was cute, but I didn't know she was either a paranoid bitch or a liar. If she would have returned a call to say she wasn't interested I would have left her alone, but since she just ignored me until I went over there and when I did she seemed excited to go out, I kept at it. I mean, you know… she's cute!"

Tucker Max - "Yeah she is…"

Just then the door opens and April is standing in the hall, looking mean.

April - Between growling noises and gurgles she stammers, "Arghh, I heard everything you said through these paper thin walls! You're a stalker and you know it! You can't stand not being near me… even though you have no time, money, or emotion invested in me! Arghhhhh!!"

Maddox - "This mystery is about to get solved. Get her!"

Thoughts of Mike, Tucker Max, & Maddox grab April by the ass, breasts, and hair, respectively, holding her in place. American War Monger and Blue Glow Worm stop punching each other for just long enough to pull a rubber mask off April revealing Paris Hilton's cockeyed face.

Tucker Max - "Oh my God I took Absinthe again!"

Maddox - "No, this is real! Who else could be so self-possessed that they can not return Mike's phone calls and feel violated when he calls them back? Who else can invite a dude over and feel stalked when he knocks on the door? Few, if anyone else!"

Tucker Max - "You're right, Maddox! Well, another mystery has been solved and tragedy averted. Thoughts of Mike, we will go now. We all wish you the best of luck in your endeavors into the female world, you'll need it… or lots of flavored beer. Bye-yo."

Thoughts of Mike - "Thanks… Out." Mike slams the door, shutting out the gang of mystery solvers and the self-possessed bitch who is still growling and gurgling in the hallway.

Music starts again and B.B. King style singer sings…

"Oh yeah, he eatin' his Taco Bell, munchin' and relaxin', more content than before…
Oh baby, he eatin' Taco Bell, munchin' and relaxin', more content than ever before…
Because he's saved some money by not going out with that self-possessed whore…"

Yeah, these rule.
Voiceover - And there he sits, smoking mint flavored tobacco in a hookah, watching a little T.V., and enjoying a bite to eat. Join us next week when the gang goes next door to find out how it is possible that the inhabitants stay up each and every night blasting horrible music through the walls and not suffer any consequences!

Credits roll…

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you think this is any good, vote for me here at King of the Blogs. Click the little circle and then click 'vote'.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

King of the Blogs

I have entered a competition.

VOTE FOR ME, BITCHES.








God wants me to be king.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Unimportant

Some updates…

I haven't updated in a while and some girl in Canada is upset. Screw her. I'll update when I feel like it.

In other news… I asked out the girl that lives across the hall in my apartment building a few days ago. I have always wondered, how well do you have to know a girl before you ask her out? All the girls I have asked out in the past, save for a few blind dates, I have known rather well. On the other hand, I haven't really asked out that many women indicating that possibly I need a new strategy. I know, I'll ask out girls I don't really know and get to know them later. Brilliant!

So I met this girl in my freshman year at Baylor and I thought at the time, "Man, she's cute and nice."

I saw her a few times since then and always came to the same conclusion.

I saw her a few months ago in a fancy black dress going to some party. On that night she was smokin' hot and nice.

So anyway, I did a few jumping jacks, pumped myself up, and went across the hall. I knocked on the door. "Come in!" someone yells from inside. I go in and see that she is in the kitchen with her roommates and one of their fiancés between us. This is awkward. I am not asking her out for the first time in front of her roommates.

"Umm, I was wondering if I could see you outside for a moment."

"Yeah, sure…," she replied. Outside, she asked, "What's wrong?"

Nothing was wrong, of course. So I asked her what she was doing the next day and upon hearing that she wasn't doing anything, I asked her to go to dinner with me. She then explained that while she would really like to, she wouldn't want to go out until she was at full health. Her temperature the day prior was 103.2. That's a degree less than lethal. I'd better let her get well before we go out.

I agreed to call her in a couple days, something I just did a minute ago, to see when we would go out. She is still fighting sickness, though feeling a little better. She said that she was busy and I should call later or just come over. I might do that.

In still other news… I will be competing in something called King of the Blogs. A real douche called Norrin Radd (You can read about him a few posts down) competed in it a few weeks ago and lost to some other douche. With an audience like you guys, I can't lose. I am better than him. You can read about the thing here…KING OF THE BLOGS.

In still more news… I am applying to law schools. I am applying, hopefully. I learned how to use the word 'hopefully' from a guy named Clint Rainey. He writes an article for The Daily Texan, newspaper of The University of Texas. His articles are always about one thing, correcting the grammar, spoken usually, of others. While his grammar is flawless, he makes it a point to over emphasize the importance of such things as comma usage and noun verb agreement. It is ridiculous. Click here.

Keith recognized this and as a UT student wrote the Texan and complained about the waste of the newspaper's real estate and the support of intellectual misuse by their authors. You can read his complaint here. Notice the complaint by a guy named James Scott.

Someone named Avantgardcore wanted to respond to Keith, so he looked up Keith's blog and made a comment there. It was clear from the comment made that Avantgard just doesn't get it. Not only should you not waste important time and energy scrutinizing every word and punctuation mark, but you should not criticize the grammatical errors of others in a written comment containing, among other things, an incomplete sentence.

So I wrote The Daily Texan a limerick. Here it is.

There once was a man named Clint.
To the error of his way, Keith gives hint.
The message conveyed,
Is not subject to perfection displayed,
Though I think he just likes his name in print.

And then comes a man called Avantgard,
Who saw Keith as a threat and fought him hard.
Responded to Keith's letter in the Texan he did,
Words betraying the message he intended,
And now he just looks like a ‘tard.

But there is a fourth in the mix named James Scott.
Focus on grammar and spelling he did not.
Instead he argues from his English den,
That one should not criticize errors while making them,
And this point the Avantgard has not caught.

So here I sit in one of Baylor’s labs,
Feeling lucky not to be near so many faulty jabs.
Clint makes as many errors as Avantgard,
Both their reputations now marred,
Beyond the point of me telling you they have crabs.


I doubt it will be published.
So that is all for now. I asked a girl out; that will hopefully go well. I will hopefully be a King of the Blogs. I wrote a limerick that will hopefully, but doubtfully get into The Daily Texan, a far better paper than what we have here at Baylor, The Lariat.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Lazy

I normally don't like to look at blogs and see that someone has put up a news story, but this one has me fuming.

Woman Overstays Hospital Stay by a Year


Wed Feb 16, 8:39 PM ET

U.S. National - AP

By BRIAN SKOLOFF, Associated Press Writer

More than a year after Sarah Nome was deemed healthy and given her discharge papers, the 82-year-old woman stubbornly refuses to leave her hospital bed.

To the curb with ye!!

AP Photo

Nome admits there is no reason she should be racking up unpaid medical bills — which have now topped $1 million — but says she has nowhere else to turn.

Now Kaiser Permanente's San Rafael Medical Center in California is suing her for the cost of her stay and trying to show her the door.

"The thing is, I have no medical problem. I've been here more than a year, never had any medication, never had any treatment, never had a fever, have a perfect heart, blood pressure is like a teenager," Nome said in a telephone interview from the hospital north of San Francisco. "It isn't that I'm not ready to go. I just have nowhere to go."

Exasperated hospital officials persuaded a judge to approve her eviction. But because Nome is bedridden and cannot walk, they have no intention of wheeling her onto the street. Instead, they hope the ruling encourages her to pack her bags.

"We're really not interested in her money," Kaiser attorney Stanley Watson said. "We just want her cooperation."

Nome's troubles began, her daughter Jane Sands says, in 2002 when she broke both her legs while living alone. After several operations, Nome could no longer care for herself and was admitted to the first of several nursing homes.

The most recent one, Nome claims, sent her to the hospital against her will. Hospital officials say she was admitted for a weeklong psychiatric evaluation, was deemed to be in good mental health, was then ordered released.

But because she is suing the nursing homes where she lived before she was hospitalized, Nome and her daughter claim she has no choice but to stay put. Nome is suing the last home she lived in, Greenbrae Care Center, for sending her to the hospital.

Watson said hospital officials have tried to find a suitable home for Nome, but Nome and her daughter insist on staying in Marin County, where Nome has spent her entire life.

That puts Kaiser in a difficult position, given Nome's bedridden state.

"If a patient were ambulatory, you could simply discharge them and say, `Have a nice day,'" Watson said. "But I can assure you that we don't plan on having the sheriff come in and physically remove her and put her on the street."

Greenbrae will not take Nome back because she is suing the nursing home, said Bob Peirce, chief operating officer of Ocadian Hospitals and Care Centers, which runs the center.

"She's suing us, and we obviously feel very strongly that she has no case," Peirce said.

Anthony Wright, executive director of the health care advocacy group Health Access California, said Nome's situation highlights a larger, nationwide problem.

"This issue is becoming more and more contentious because ... we don't have a long-term care policy in this country, so there is no set way that we take care of seniors who need ongoing care," he said.

Meanwhile, Nome remains in her hospital gown. She said the doctors and nurses "couldn't be finer," but she has missed the news since her television and newspaper privileges were taken away. "I think Bush might still be president," she quipped.

She passes the time by reading in bed and gazing out the window.


I say, "This is a problem a few well placed stink bombs will solve."

OK, let me put it to you this way. Let's introduce Kant's Categorical Imperative. Would her actions (staying in bed even though well) be a good rule for everyone who doesn't have a good place to go after a hospital visit?

No. If the doctors treated everyone like her, there would be no beds for anyone, a far greater evil than perpetually shacking up some old stubborn geezer. Any good sense of morality dictates that she be evicted. I love using Kant to justify kicking old people out on the street.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Breakfast at 3 PM

15 Minute Breakfast Recipe

IngredientsBam!

- Sandwiches -

2 Eggs
2 Slices Smoked Provolone
2 Slices Sharp Cheddar
4 Slices Bread
Real Butter
Vegetable Oil
Salt + Pepper

- Potatoes -

Small Cubed Potatoes
Canola Oil
Cayenne Pepper
Salt + Pepper
Honey
Ketchup


Recipe

Start a cup of coffee if you want.

Begin frying 2 eggs in vegetable oil. Liberally salt and pepper them.

Begin frying the small cubed potatoes, however much you want to eat in canola oil. You don't need to drown them, but it would help. Liberally salt and pepper them. Flip them around like you see on the TV. Oil will get on your shirt, so wear one that isn't too nice.

Start toasting 4 slices of bread.

Flip the eggs to fry on other side. Liberally salt and pepper them.

Flip the potatoes, too. Liberally salt and pepper them. When they start to get soft, add a few shakes of cayenne and drizzle a little honey on them. This will give them a brown color and a certain sweetness along with heat.

Your toast should be done, so put the 4 slices on a plate and butter them with real butter. Trust me on this; margarine is for sissies, just like tofu.

Put the two eggs on their own slice of toast. You're making a sandwich here, so put on the smoked provolone cheese and sharp cheddar, one slice of each on an egg as well.

Don't forget to flip your potatoes; they are probably burning by now 'cause you're slow.

Sandwich the egg and cheese between the toast and microwave until the cheeses melt into each other. On my microwave, this takes 37 seconds.

Take the sandwiches out of the microwave and pour the potatoes on the plate along with them. Put a glob of ketchup near the potatoes for dipping.

Liberally salt and pepper the whole thing for tradition's sake and pour your coffee.

If you did it right, the whole shebang will look like this.


Hearty

I have said it before, and now I'll say it again. You can't step to this.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Robbed At Whore-Point

A couple of nights ago, I was robbed.

I wasn't mugged or beaten up or anything, but I was robbed still the same. Let me start from the beginning.

I lead a very boring life. I don't go to huge parties, get really drunk, or go on all night sex romps very often… wait, never. I'll leave that lifestyle to Tucker Max. My day usually consists of class, work, practicing my cooking, and then sleep. I like to listen to talk-radio and sometimes I update this blog for you fine folks. Once in a while I read, but that would go in the "class" column.

Treff's Bar and GrillThat being said, I will go to a bar with friends once in a while. This night, I went with my roommate and a couple other people to a bar called Treff's. I settle in with the gang and begin making obnoxious and confusing statements. There is 9 dollars in my wallet. A few well received laughs later, I order a drink. Normally, I just have a beer, but I feel like something sweet, so it was time for a margarita. Where there once was 9, now there is 5.

Treff's is known for hosting small bands and tonight is no exception. A band called Deejer takes the stage and starts setting up. I start talking to a friend named Valerie.

Me - Have you cooked anything new and good lately?
Valerie - No, but I tagged some recipes the other day. Any requests?
Me - Boiled Lobsters.

Valerie, like me, enjoys cooking for other people. She is also very smart and pretty and has a nice sense of humor. She even likes cool music. Basically, she has all the properties of a good girlfriend, which is why I asked her out about a year ago. We had a bite to eat and talked for a little over an hour, but nothing came of it. Oh well. At any given time a handful of guys have big crushes on her, so she can afford to be choosy. I also enjoy babysitting her dog, which was featured in an earlier post. She also liked Michael Jackson videos playing on a projection screen behind the stage and gave a tiny hint as to what she wants for her birthday in the form of, "I really want the Michael Jackson music video compilation for my birthday."

Me - When is your birthday?
Valerie - February 15th.
Me - Let me set my watch.

I turn the outside dial of my analog watch thirty degrees counter-clockwise and in some abstract way confirm the date. She laughs.

Infallable

We spy a dancing man that looks like a woman who is with a woman that looks like a man. We laugh together.

Deejer begins their set by sounding just like the band Tool. Tool is my favorite band, so I am floored by the raw glory of what I am hearing… for ten seconds. 'Twas at the end of those seconds that the lead singer does a 180 in the air and raises both hands in the air while nodding to the crowd with his eyes closed; the band begins their show.

Mediocre

All sporting black shirts, they fumble their way through every rock cliché known to man. This includes the "lean on the bassist" friendship move, the "look at the sky and shake awkwardly long hair out of eyes" nod, and the Scott Stapp patented "one foot on the monitor while hunched over and singing into the knee" superstar pose. So uniform and monotonous is their sound that the song played after "We'll slow it down for you guys" sounded just like the song played after "This song will seriously fuck you up." Sounding like a combination of Fuel, Incubus, 3 Doors Down, Nickelback, Default, and Creed makes them just mediocre enough to go all the way. Congratulations, guys.

Another margarita comes my way. Where once there was 5, now there is 1.

Then the two remaining girls at the table inform me that they are going to get a drink at the bar and will be right back. After about 10 minutes of me taking up a table meant for five by myself, the wait-staff and standing patrons were visibly annoyed. I was the, 'I Swear They Will Be Back' guy. I leave the table to a round of applause, presumably for the band, but likely for my humiliating exit.

I meet my roommate, the aforementioned girls, and a new girl at the bar. I ask my roommate who is sitting at the bar and flirting with the new girl, "Do you know what you are along with the two of them?" while pointing at the two girls that left the table earlier.

"What are we?"
"Three ass cheeks… making up a single ass, you ass."
"Sorry dude, everyone else was up here and I forgot."

It was about this time that a tattooed fellow next to my roommate pokes him and points at me. Roommate says just loud enough for me to hear him, "Save this guy's seat for a minute will yah?"
"OK."

Tattoo Boy thanks me and hurries off only to come back a moment later with Golf-Hat Boy. For a moment, Tattoo Boy just kind of looks at me; he is waiting for something.

"Thanks again for giving me your seat." I put forth that simple, half-hearted attempt at a joke and he gets all pissed. "I'm just kidding. Here, take it back."
"No, you keep it man." He is clearly trying to play off the anger that displayed itself a second before.
"It's ol'right. You were here first."
"I insist on it. You keep it."

Me - 1
Tattoo Boy - 0

Then Golf-Hat Boy begins talking to me. He literally carries a 45 minute conversation with me, BY HIS F***ING SELF. I can't believe it. I say perhaps 30 words in that time and he tells me about his deaf sister, plans of a career in legal interpretation for the deaf, conservative/liberal personalities, and the benefits of moving out of Texas to Oklahoma. He claims an academic resume littered with gifted and talented side-notes. I know this is bullcrap because his vocabulary is so terrible.

"Conservative and liberal is just on two different planarly levels, man."

By now, Tattoo Boy, my roommate, and the girls are gone somewhere else and I'm stuck with Golf-Hat Boy, who is now yelling over Deejer about something having to do with Washington D.C. and the only deaf collage in the world.

Me - 1
Tattoo Boy - 1

When Golf-Hat Boy explicitly expresses the need, nay, the requirement of his superior intellect to use such words like "planarly", I feel the need to remind him of the Orwellian rule to never use a large word when a little one will do. It went in one ear and out the other. I can tell that in reality, he just doesn't want to sound like a hick from Oklahoma, his home state. He claims to receive compliments from city-folk like, "You sound like you're from California" and "Man, you use such great words." With "credentials" (his word) like those, who needs to actually know what those words mean?

I leave him with a pat on the shoulder and a couple words of advice. "Stay humble. Don't lose your sense of humor."

He thinks this is brilliant and yells out, "That's what I'm talking about, man! That's like, the most important thing you said." I expected him to shed a tear, cum in his pants, and/or ask me on a date. I leave him, dumber.

Walking back to where my friends are, I notice Tattoo Boy schmoozing with his girlfriend who also happens to be the cocktail waitress that asked me if I was all alone at the table an hour before.

Me - 1
Tattoo Boy - 2

I hate you, Tattoo Boy.

By now, Deejer is finished playing their song and what is left of my original group is now sprawled out in a booth. Bar tenders inform us of closing time so we head downstairs, narrowly avoiding Golf-Hat Boy, who seems intent on talking in great depth with the 40 year old fat and bald sound manager. Perhaps he wasn't hitting on me earlier; he just really craves attention.

Outside, the weather is cool and clear. I love these nights. I like to just drive around with my sun-roof open and windows down. It is relaxing and for me, the only natural cure for a headache. It is while thinking about this that a short, big-boned, and ugly girl stumbles up to me from the street.

She leans in close and with what little grace there is in a drunken Baylor co-ed, she mumbles…

"I know this is really awkward, but I'm all out of cash. Can you loan me a dollar so that I can call a cab?"
"Well, that depends. You aren't homeless, are you? I hate those people."
She leans back and pulls up the left collar of her shirt. "I'm wearing Abercrombie and f***ing Fitch. What do you think?"
I think she is a stupid whore. I think she will be among the many Baylor Alumni in a few years. I think she doesn't need to be driving tonight. In a last ditch effort to release me from my last dollar, she adds that her credit cards are maxed out. Abercrombie and f***ing Fitch are no doubt the culprits.

Where there once was 1, now there is none.

She thanks me and I turn away. As soon as she is out of my peripheral vision, I ask my group, "What the hell was that all about?"

Way cuter than the real thing.

When "homeless" people ask me for money to buy food, I always seem to catch them later making their way to a gas station. Upon their arrival, they universally give the few bucks to a guy in a car, who then starts pumping gas. Out of habit, I glance back at the girl I gave my dollar to. The stupid whore is walking across the street… to a car.

"No… way."

She stops at a blue Honda Civic and opens the door.

"F*** you, bitch. F*** youuuuuu."

She starts the car and drives off, with my dollar. I was conned. I was bamboozled. I was robbed. I'm never trusting women again, unless they can boil for me a lobster.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Stupid, But Worthless

Have you ever tried to get out that last little bit of shampoo out of the bottle before facing the day, only to come up empty handed? That is how I feel right now when it comes to blogging. I'm fresh out of the good stuff. Oh sure… I could swirl some water in said bottle and loosen up that film stuck to the bottom, but you guys who oft read this thing deserve more.

I did some swirling last night and was about to create a post about 5 CD's you need to buy, but then I thought, "…..Lame……." That post will go into the trash, pronto. As I said, you guys deserve more than an attempt by yours truly to dazzle you with recognition of someone else's art.

Let's get back to why I am writing right now. I stayed up till about two o'clock this afternoon, replacing church with a healthy dose of the Food Network. Bam! Needless to say, I am less than tired tonight, which is a blessing considering the fact that there is no school tomorrow.

I am getting off subject a bit.

In my daily retrieval of readers' comments, I came across this one.

Dear Mike,

You have been chosen to recieve the SS9090 Blogger Award. I would have sent it to you in an e-mail, but your address isn't listed. You're only the second recipient of this award since most blogs suck (the worst blogs get sent a Blogger Demerit- a food stamp). Please send me an addres at silversurfer9090@aol.com to recieve it. And also an acceptance speech or blathering tyrade would be appreciated at silversurfer9090.blogspot.com

Thank You,
Norrin Radd


Looking at his blog reveals this picture and a post.

Ass-clown
Click the picture to go to his blog.

Thoughts Of Mike is the recipient of the SS9090 Blogger Award.

Mike writes about a variety of subjects(a must for this award) and writes well about them. His life is a constant subject, and his observations are sharp and precisley aimed at their targets, no fat. I especially enjoy his "Velcro Shoes" post, and his updates on his participations in "Blogger Jihad". Plus, Mike makes me laugh! My only complaint would be Mike's updating is not very regular(my only complaint).

Congrats, Mike! We hope to hear from Mike as we did from past winner Kikkitsch (on his blog) and Blogger Demerit winner American Warmonger (here at SS9090).


Norrin, you spell checker, you… I don't know quite what to say, so I'll say what comes natural. You like Blog Jihad, so even though I'll be officially in violation of Blogger TOS, I think you'll give me a pass. You've been warned.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll start with the list of your interests on your Blogger profile page. You list…"Movies, DVDs, Music, Comics, Pro Wrestling, PS2, Chat Rooms"

Movies and DVDs? You gotta be puttin' me on.

Pro-Wrestling? Now I know you're pulling my leg.

Chat Rooms? You were serious the whole time, weren't you, dumb-ass?

You are seriously "interested" in movies and DVDs as two separate things, Pro-Wrestling, and Chat Rooms. That is more lame than a post about the 5 CD's you need to buy, all of which would be a great leap above Red Hot Chili Pepper's, Disturbed, and Slipknot; those are what you list among your favorite bands.

You criticize me for not updating often enough and then give me an award the next day. There is a reason people like you visit my blog and that people like me ignore yours. You tend to fill yours with something no one cares about, like posts about blog awards and demerits, things I might add, you are in no position to give considering the idiocy your blog churns out on a weekly basis. You gave the American Warmonger a demerit and the ensuing comment conversation is revealing.

In it, War Monger observes that "…your awards need some work. The face on the 100 bill could use some reeely serious work. The Rock is no longer cool."

Useless

I agree. If you are going to award someone like myself, give me something other than money with a fuck-face in the place of a founding father. That's alliteration. Read and learn. Seeing as how it is actually your gloided face on the bill, The Rock would be an improvement.

As you struggle to defend yourself against War Monger, you blurt out, "I have original ideas and concepts. Like smoking marijuana and writing reviews of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood reruns, distributing food stamps to the masses, etc. I wouldn't call what you're doing over there "revolutionary", hence... the food stamp. Besides, the only person I worry about entertaining is ME!!!"

Your ideas and concepts aren't original; they suck. If the only person you are worried about entertaining is yourself, why blog? That's like fucking for virginity. There are much less public ways of keeping only yourself entertained, like keeping a journal. Masturbation also works. You could even draw your own porn!

By the way, if you're actually entertained by your blog, you're easily entertained.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I could go on and on, but writing that "tyrade" has done what I intended it to do. It has made me sleepy. I'll go ahead and give my acceptance speech now.

Thank you for the award, even though receiving it was about as worthless to me as the Superfriends are to Superman.

You can quote me on that.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

I'm Back

I am surprised that there are still people visiting this thing. After weeks of no updates, I passed the 3,000 hit barrier. I guess that means I have to start posting again. I don't think I'll wage Blog-Jihad for a while. Some girl from Dallas asked for a comment, and while my Flog to her probably made her cry, it was only mildly satisfying.

I went to a small party over the Christmas break and saw some High School buddies I hadn't seen in a couple of years. While the Coor's Lite was kind of gross, it was cool to talk with them again. One of them was a girl I had a big crush on; I don't think we would make a good couple now.

My grand-parents and their adopted son came down from Montana also to celebrate Christmas and the New Year. He is 16 and I seriously doubt they both will see him celebrate his 19th birthday. Cigarettes are killers. Seriously.

I got XM Radio. In 10 years, if FM radio doesn't change to something better, XM and Sirius will kill it. The difference is astounding. You get clear sound, deep play-lists, and uncensored content. Basically, you get to hear lots of different people say "fuck" really clearly. I heard a really good William Shatner song on it yesterday. That’s how much it rules.

I'll have more posts coming soon, probably expounding upon these topics. Maybe that's what I'll do, who knows?

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Blogger: Most Pan-faced (HM)

I checked my E-Mail today and found this message. I'm in trouble for Blog-Jihad.

Hi there,

We are writing to you in regards to your blog and your activity on Blogspot. We have received numerous complaints about you and your account. Users have reported, and you have also stated in your blog that you are abusing our NextBlog and commenting features to increase the page rank and readership of your blog. This behavior is not looked upon favorably. We would like to ask you to cease this behavior.

Please refer to the Blogger Terms of Service:

http://www.blogger.com/terms.g

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
Blogger Support


I read the Terms of Service and found that I am in violation according to Section 4...

You agree to not use the Service to: (a) upload, post or otherwise transmit any Content that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, tortious, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, libelous, invasive of another's privacy, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable; (b) harm minors in any way; (c) impersonate any person or entity, including, but not limited to, a Pyra official, forum leader, guide or host, or falsely state or otherwise misrepresent your affiliation with a person or entity...


I can only imagine what the Blogger Police look like.

Blogger Police At Work

While I would normally take this notification seriously, I don't know how I can when there is this sophomoric line in there as well.

...Except as expressly authorized by Pyra or advertisers, you agree not to modify, rent, lease, loan, sell, distribute or create derivative works based on the Service or the Software, in whole or in part.

This is the all-caps part:

12. DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT: (a) YOUR USE OF THE SERVICE IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK. THE SERVICE IS PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS. Pyra EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY...


This is the all-caps part? Are you kidding me? Any organization that would put something like that in their Terms of Service, written in "legalise", at least deserves honorable mention for "most pan-faced."

I am also aware that some people didn't like my flogs, but the Mongos over there at Blogger need to be aware of the many folks who enjoyed them. Here they are...


JustAgirl said...
Hi there, I just wanted to say that whatever the hell you're doing ("spamming" bloggers on their AIM, leaving "weird" comments on blogs) it seems to be getting people to your blog and reading your stuff. Congratulations!!

Miss Margo said...
I love it!!! Over reaction amuses me so! I went to go read pitiful Eric's blog, but it is gone. You fool, you had free advertising and blew it!

Steve said...
Wow, Mike...you've sure made alot of friends! ;-)

Ever considered buying a bullet-proof vest? Looks like you're a pretty popular guy! Sorry, just b/s-ing. I liked the piece. I thought it was inspirational, except for the b/s at the end, which I think I'd have left off. But, different strokes for different folks!

Hang in there!

Kun said...
hehe you did good.. interesting made me whip out my dictionary to find out the meanings of the words... :)

stitches said...
you're funny.
you left me a comment earlier and I checked out your blog, then I just left. leaving NO comment. I didnt waste my time then, but now I am...after all it is friday afternoon and all I HAVE is time to waste ~untill 5:00.
I like your thinking outside the box. I bet the counter comments are, as halarious as when your lying in bed at night worrying about the hits on your blog. HAHAAA.

Catherine said...
Ahaha! You are a genius! I LOVE your blog and I love your random comments! (Or perhaps I have missed the point altogether and I should be pissed off like everyone else?) Anyhow, keep up the random commenting!

Robin S. said...
I personally didn't mind the random comment. I liked it for three reasons.

1. Hey, you read my blog. So my life can't be all THAT boring. lol. Or maybe you didn't even bother reading, and just posted your comment right off the bat. If that's the case... hey, I still got a hit. lol.

2. It made me laugh. Laughter is good.

3. By making me laugh, you distracted me from my morbid boredom for approximately ten seconds. Soon thereafter, I became curious and wanted to see who this random poster was, which lead me to read your blog and leave this comment. That distracted me from my boredom as well.

We need more random people like you in the world. lol. Thanks and keep on truckin'.

cassandra said...
I've been doing the same thing! It's hilarious if you're doing it. Keep it up!

Gina said...
wow....somebody on the other side of the world commented on my blog...i found that interesting, even though you didnt really make it relevant..hmmmm...
anyway, i dont think that people are offended by the randomness of your comments, its just that theyre random is why theyre reaplying..i mean, i was expecting it to be a comment from one of my friends..and then its you. a texan that i have never met before..
anyway, i liked your picture...

Robert LP said...
Ok dude, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think it was weird that you're going around posting comments to other people's blogs, but, I like weirdos. Carry on.

SubEtha said...
I love evil genius.
If you are ever in Illinois, drop me a line, I will buy you beers and we will laugh at idiots.

Jå§èN said...
hey! thanks for that hilarious comment! lol... anyways, hope to see you soon with more laughter posted on my blog!

Dorothy said...
Oh my goodness! How could someone be so uptight so as to be angered when you leave a comment on their blog? I don't think I ever laughed so hard as I did at the comment you posted to me the other day. Thanks for a great big laugh.

robadair said...
thanks for the complement; beezlebubba is a good friend...if only you were serious.... stay cool and never change....peace. rob

Beleobus said...
If you're looking for more interesting places to leave some random comments, the revenge of the ruber chicken would welcome another sadistic comedian.

JL said...
Hmm, I just saw your random comment because you commented on the spinoff blog of my blog. But you said something nice so I'll keep believing you really do love my blog. :-) Back at ya babe. I'm a girl so you can continue to love me.

celibateinthecity.blogspot.com

Wskygrl said...
JUst came to say thanks for giving me a cheers! You liked my blog.
Send me a few of your favorites that you have done... and we can quid pro quo.

Neichiepoo said...
great blog

Samurai said...
I found it rather amusing, in an annoying sort of way. Still, is a unique way to achive a higher hit count. And for that, I give you congrats...

Besides, it is an interesting read. Something that can't be said of some of your blogs (Or mine, for that matter).

Arson said...
hahahahaaaaa......awesome fucking awesome.

~A~ said...
Hmm. Geraldine's not too swift, is she?

That sign's a riot. That brains are not theirs, either, apparently. Love your Blog -- very articulate and very funny.

(Oh, and btw, you're safe with the silver utensils.)

Mr. Muskrat said...
Heh. Pretty funny stuff. I'm mildly amused. You're a tad too self-satisfied perhaps, but your sense of humour is in the right place. I like the forged document idea. I might have to use that one.

duckie said...
funny shit man. I'm tempted to counter insult just to get a reply. I'll be back.

Mark said...
Thanks for the look-see. Your site looks great. Just starting out here. Could use a little help if you ever get a moment: how do I add Links to the basic black Blogger template?? WOuld love to add yours and others, and i see yours has them.

Anyways------cheers!

msp0513@aol.com

Mario Giordani said...
Ha...this blog is awsome...can't get enough of it.
I must agree on the Edwards thing. If he can't keep a simple rule during an interview, how can he help run a country like ours? Lots of talk to get elected as VP. Same o same o. Different day. Keep up the great work. I will be sure to visit often.

http://gettrafficordie.blogspot.com

Mario

eska said...
hello. thank you for the comment. i'm amazed that my blog can actually impress people.

JustAgirl said...
I must admit I like your style, going to other blogs and talking shit and then having people visit your blog in return, read your stuff and leave a comment. Very refreshing! Oh, and I liked the joked, made me laugh. So when are you coming by my blog to talk some trash??

Glocker said...
I love your blog. Check mine out at glocker31.blogspot.com

Heh...

All kidding aside...some nice thoughts in your post.

Elizabeth said...
I like your blog, too. And no, I have no desire to hug a cactus as you had recommended the first time you visited my blog, because there aren't any huggable ones within a hundred mile radius of where I live. Or maybe huggable cacti simply do not exist. Oh, but what do I know; I'm in my pajamas.

I did visit your blog a couple of days ago out of curiosity after that (I thought funny) insulting comment. I knew it might be something like wanting to get folks to visit you here, which is fine by me. But I didn't expect to see you back again to mine, and was rawther surprised. So here's my comment to your comment which should have been a comment from the previous comment.
Regards,

Elizabeth

The Editor said...
Your blog has left me joyously bewildered and confused. I feel like a sentient fingernail nestled in a pail of rotting ground meat, completely aware that it is being observed by Upton Sinclair for inclusion in his book "The Jungle." I'll be sure to visit precipitously.

heitshe said...
Hi,

Thanks for your comment. I did not expect any comment from anyone. I went through glancingly one or two of your postings. It is interesting and meaningful. I will go through more of them in depth and will comment.
I notice that you are a student. I was connected with education 18 years back as an asst. prof. Libra is my sign also. What a coincidence!

Travis said...
A very thoughtful post. Actually, I was surprised after reading one of your random comments on a friend's blog. I really resonate with the following statement: "One shouldn't sell religion, but one ought to live it." I whole-heartedly agree!

kitm said...
I like your little blog advertising trick. I might have to try it myself.

Do you actually read the sites you go to? Or is it like so many other things insincere spam?

kitm

WaterGirl said...
Hey, I just read your post about "if you've come for revenge", and now Im not sure if you were being sarcastic about my blog, because you said in ur post that people come to complain that you made fun of them and how they only write about their day at school. This is what I normally do, lol, but whatever I think your blog is hillaryous and I hope you enjoyed looking at mine, even if it was just cuz you were laughing at me. :)
-Hillary

Jules said...
Thanks for commenting on my blog...
I like your blog a lot...
The entries are very well written and you make valid points...

Keep up the great work,
Jules

bram said...
helo mike :) .. nice blogs too and thanks to visit my brahmana.blogspot.com .. c u

Sub-Random Personified said...
This is a very good blog. In fact, it's too good. I may have to have you killed. When the ninjas arrive, be warned that struggling only makes it worse.

In the mean time, however, I am going to have to check back here regularly. Keep up the good work. At least until you're dead.

skokieswift said...
hey! nice blog! thnx for visiting my blogspot too. :)

Andrea said...
I didn't know Rodney had passed on, but I found this quote on my own page of all places and I thought it would be appropriate.

- "If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."

-- Rodney Dangerfield

btw, thank you for your comment on my site. I often wonder what people think of my posts.

Have a good day.

Moline said...
Real Nice Blog glad you linked it! Mine is sea-to-sea.blogspot.com

Stefanie said...
Lol. I had no idea that Rodney Dangerfield passed away, but hilarious tribute nonetheless. Very nice blogger; I might drop by every once in a while for a good read. :)

laser cub said...
to reward your shrewd marketing campaign and thoughtful blog i'm adding you to my links. expect your hit count to increase by at least two a month.

Sephoria said...
You ARE a flogger. Fun, isn't it?

Jet said...
thanks for visiting my blog ^__^. now I have a new blog to visit yay~

Darp said...
The official shoe of the Special Olympics?

You've sold me!

Where can I get a pair?

KANEreaction
said...
Im glad you enjoy my spot! How did you run across it?

Kambiz Kamrani said...
hey hey, i'm kambiz and followed your blog thru the comment you left for me here. I also really like your blog too, hahah, especially your digust with "Rice Rockets"! Amen to that. I'm glad you publicized it. I also want say my apologize to the cds you lost because all of those bands are awesome. Anyways, I'll surely add you and check up on your blog. Hope you do the same.

Phase 3 said...
Your blog rawks. I *heart* it

sweetedna said...
I don't know who u are, and posting a comment in my blog was a surprising one. Anyhow, thanx for the effort

Susan Abraham said...
Hello Redhairblueface,

Thanks for that line on my book review entry, (www.suzanabrams.blogspot.com) whatever, it meant! I like your blog! Cheers!

Sunday, November 28, 2004

The Weblog Review

Pro's at Weblog Review

A few days ago, my blog was reviewed by The Weblog Review. I signed up for a review months ago and it has finally arrived. Here it is...

Upon first opening Thoughts of Mike and finding a picture of a dog, I figured that I would be reading yet another "things I did today" blog. Instead I was pleasantly surprised. Mike's thoughts encompass a wide range of topics.

Mike is a 22 Yr. old student who also works at a local deli as a delivery driver. This author posts about whatever happens to interest him. He comments on mundane everyday occurrences with a dry wit that is reminiscent of Seinfeld. In a post about purchasing shampoo he says, "I'm trying to find the one that says 'Dirty Hair.' It doesn't exist. Shampoo now does everything from color to curl, except clean. Where is the shampoo for me? The one that just says, Cleans hair real good." In a post about car features, the author laments about not being able to find the "Automatic Detonation Feature" that all cars in movies appear to have. Probably his most entertaining posts come from his experiences as a delivery driver. He describes the joys of delivering to a local gentleman's club and contrasts that with his many deliveries to nursing home employees.

A bit disconcerting is this writer's participation in "Blog Jihad" where he visits other sites using Blogger's "Next Blog" feature and leaves random and sometimes insulting comments on the blog he happens to land on. He openly posts about this practice and invites the retaliatory visits and comments he receives. He admittedly does this to up his own hit counter. It is a shame that he resorts to this, as his content would stand on its own.

The site uses a standard Blogger template. While I normally dislike a black background, as it is sometimes hard on the eyes, Mike uses pictures effectively to break up the white on black monotony. In fact, his pictures enhance many of his posts. The previously mentioned dog pictures are Mike's proof that the dog in question is actually an alien. Archives go back to June of this year and the site includes the standard links one finds on most sites.

Overall, Thoughts of Mike is an entertaining read. The blog could be improved with more regular updates. I am sure Mike has more thoughts than he has time to post. Perhaps a little less time spent on his "Blog Jihad" would allow him more time to update. I plan to check back with Mike to see what is on his mind in the future.


My blog was reviewed by someone named Sagent. Sagent felt I deserved a 3.5 out of 5. I feel I deserve better and a second review by someone with a mind more open to Blog Jihad, a practice I haven't done in a while, would yield better results. Oh well, someone who hasn't the slightest clue of who I am seemed to like most of it, so I am happy enough.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

The Alien Dog

Meet Ellie-Mae, Ellie for short.

Ellie the Alien

I had the pleasure of keeping, along with my roommates, this pooch for a day. She is possibly the nicest dog I have ever met, and I have met bunches. She would never bite and is the perfect size. She can comfortably lie down next to you on the couch, but doesn't make men feel inadequate on a leash.

She is an excellent guard dog. When Ben showed up at home late one night, as in 3:00AM, she barked and growled at him until I came out of my room and made it clear that he was friend, not foe.

She sheds lightly and stays clean easily. She does not crap in the house nor does she piss on dirty clothes. She is great and I am jealous of her owner, or should I say, I was jealous. Upon scratching her belly, I noticed some foreign markings.

Ellie's Belly

Really, it resembles a tattoo more so than anything else. Here is a close up of the "tattoo."

Ellie's Belly Enlarged

This is what it looks like when drawn out on MS Paint.

MS Paint is great.

After I realized the shape, I knew that I had seen it before. It took me a while to realize where, but I was astonished to find out that it actually was an exact replica of part of a crop circle I had seen out on the outskirts of Dublin, Ireland. Take a look at this…

Proof

I am left with only one possible conclusion. This dog is an alien. How else can I explain the strange mark on her belly? How can I explain her strangely superb behavior? How can I explain the aura-like light surrounding her on the picture at the top of this post? How, people? How?

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Let's Talk About Vandalism

First, let me give a shout-out to my main man, the evil genius, the dumb chimp, the cocky Texas swaggerer himself, George W. Bush. Congratulations, fool.

Now, let's talk about vandalism. I have seen it on the sides of fences, trains, and even people. It comes in many forms. Sometimes it comes in the form of an addition, like tagging with spray paint. For most of the time it is just destructive. A baseball bat being taken to mailboxes is popular. Drive by shooting with pellet guns reached a peak during the early 90's.

The weapon of choice today, in my neighborhood, is the classic, Dr. Martin boot. In the right hands, or should I say, on the right feet, they are capable of massive amounts of damage. I have a feeling that the fucktards who live across the hall wear such a boot, and wear it proudly they do. So proud they are of their boots that they kick the walls, leaving the distinctive rectangle and round "X" imprints.

Click the pictures to enlarge.

Click to Enlarge
They started small.

Click to Enlarge
Gradually, they improved technique.

Click to Enlarge
After technique was perfected, bravery had to be taken to the next level.

Click to Enlarge
Bravery and technique together produce disastrous results.

Click to Enlarge
They then hit my apartment.

After feeling like they had done all that they could with a wall and a boot, they decided to see what would happen when a car was kicked instead of a wall.

Click to Enlarge

I am a staunch defender of private property. While I do not own the walls or the car that were sacrificed in the name of stupor, I think that these people doing this need to go to jail for ruining someone else's stuff.

I have seen the inside of the McClennon County Correctional Facility. It isn't nice. Kicking your way out of it isn't really an option. Kick too often and you will be stripped naked, put in a padded room, and forced to shit into a small hole in the ground. I have seen the hole. We can only hope that sooner or later, out of anger for getting caught, they will be kicking their own asses for acting like drunken retards that have just had their ice cream taken.